Today was rough...

So, as I promised, I have not been updating this as often as I would like. That's just how it goes...life happens. So, I'm going to attempt to write in this more often but I just can't guarantee anything. But, I thought I'd write today because it's been a rather rough day. I'm learning that with ADHD (and not that I'm blaming everything on that) but I do have some pretty extreme high's and lows. Today unfortunately was a low day. It happens when I get frustrated and today was a day of frustration. I wish I could say that it was something in particular, but it really wasn't.

See, my main frustration is my job. I absolutely love my job but feel that I am at one of the lowest positions I've ever been in since getting out of college. And this...scares the shit out of me. I'm a coordinator and know that I'm worth much more. There is a stigma that goes with being the coordinator. Being the low man on the totem pole I get to do such tasks as making copies and well, whatever others don't want to do. You don't want to call a company? Ohhh just give it to me...I'll do it. You don't want to mail something? Just tell me...I'll do it. Wait. You have to count out 150 hand sanitizers. No worries! That's what I got my master's degree for. I've got it!

Yes, that's the tasks that I do. I want to do so much more and I'm blaming my ADHD b/c I'm extremely inpatient. I just know that I can do much more than they let me. I'm trying to prove myself and in the meantime I'm overextending myself. I wish I could stay late at work but I come in about an hour early everyday b/c I'm a morning person and find that I'm just exhausted by 5pm. I'm the go to person in the department. If there is something someone doesn't want to do or feels they shouldn't...they know I won't say no. I can't help it. I want to succeed and I want others to see the value in me. So, I get walked on. I try to stand up for myself because I have one helluva manager. (She is a friend that was recently promoted and she, in my opinion, could run the entire place because she's just that smart.) But, she sees the potential in me...I think...but even she gets tired of my questions sometimes, I'm sure. But that's just it...she never shows it. But, I guess that's good I guess, considering others do.

Here's something that really got me down. Well, there are two things. Last night, the ex-boyfriend that I thought was a good friend...well, I overheard him making fun of me. Someone said he was checking me out and he made it very apparent how gross I am....even using that word. The respect I had for him kinda went out the window. Then, today at work I was made fun of by one of the specialists. It just so happens that it's one of the specialists that I can do circles around with my intelligence...but it's all in who you know and she's a specialist and I'm a coordinator. (Specialist is a higher position.)

Basically, what I'm getting at is that it just doesn't take much to knock me down and those two things...well, they really did it. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day because that's the thing with me..I just don't let things keep me down.

So, in closing, I am writing all of this out because if even one person reads this and it helps them to see that they aren't the only one experiencing such difficulties, then I've done what I've intended to do.

My (almost) missed appointment…

So, it’s a beautiful Saturday morning and it’s time for me to wake up and get started with my day. I had an 11:15am appointment with my psychologist, and I was actually looking forward to it. I know there are some out there that either don’t buy in to the whole idea of a psychiatrist or they just don’t think they would enjoy it, but I actually do. Granted, I’ve only gone twice so far…but each time I’ve left feeling much better than I did when I was walking in to the appointment.

I was ready to go…all except for the fact that I did not know the address of where I was going. No problem though. I thought I would just make sure to leave plenty early enough so I could drive around and find the place. See, I just recently bought a brand new car so driving is not really an issue to me. I love doing it…especially in my new car. So I’m driving…and I’m driving…and I’m driving. Basically getting nowhere. I thought for sure that I would remember where I was going but yeah, I didn’t. Then, as I’m driving I remember that I had forgotten to take my Focalin. Not good. So now I’m getting nervous about the fact that I didn’t take my meds, I’m getting frustrated that I’m not finding the place and even more irritated at the fact that this all could’ve been avoided had I taken a card on my first visit.

This is all just another daily happening when dealing with ADHD. I thought for sure that I would remember where the office was, so I didn’t write down the address or take a card (procrastination). I then decided to place blame on the office staff because they should’ve called me to ensure that I was still going to make it in for the appointment (total avoidance).

Granted, I finally did find the place and although I was a bit flustered in the beginning, I explained all of this to my therapist and everything was fine. I’m learning more and more each day on how to not only get by with ADHD but ultimately live with and overcome many of the difficulties that I had been handling daily. So, that being said, I’m also trying to make sure to write in this blog so I can hear from others to see what troubles they deal with when it comes to living with ADHD.